Megan's got 47: Losing will power

So I wanted to ask others out there if this happened to them.
Before Megan was born I had a good career. I was motivated to do well and succeed.
I tried to learn as much as I could about the company I worked for, put in extra hours so someone would notice and was just an overachiever.
But ever since I had Megan I have seemed to lose my will-power and desire to succeed.
I noticed it at work that I would be browsing the internet and every thought would be on down syndrome and not my work.
I feel like down syndrome consumes my conversations.
When I am at home with the kids I still think about it.
I feel like my life has become so obsessed with the "down syndrome" that my mind cannot focus on other things? Does this make sense at all?
Is it possible that I try to convince myself so much that I am ok with the down syndrome that it makes me depressed?
I never thought I could be depressed but I feel like my symptoms might lead me to that.
Megan is going to be 4 in a few weeks. I just feel very overwhelmed by that....4 seems so old and I just feel like she is no where near being a 4 year old, she is small and non-verbal at times.....and her sister is already doing more than her.
Please tell me I am not the only person to feel like they have lost will power.

6 comments:

Christina said...: Steph big hugs to you. It's funny cause I didn't go through a depression or funk until about 2 years ago. It does get depressing when the younger sibling passes them. I'm here if you ever want to gab :); October 24, 2007 at 5:45 PM
Leah Spring said...: No..you're not alone. I do this about every other birthday. This last birthday was really hard on me because Angela's health seemed to be going backwards yet again. That and she's loosing skills.

And yes, I still get consumed by DS. I figured it's because she's the only one left at home and if I don't have THAT to worry about, what will I worry about? LOL Then I think it's because I spend too much time on 'you know where' website, so I've tried cutting back a little bit. It really hasn't helped me any.

I go through phases, and I'm in one right now. I'm hoping it's gone soon!; October 24, 2007 at 10:39 PM
Stephanie said...: Christina- Does it change their friendship? I think that is what I am most scared about...wonder if Olivia doesn't want to be around her...ugh...my mind needs to stop.; October 25, 2007 at 11:57 AM
Anne said...: I can certainly identify with what you're saying. I think it's all about your change in perspective. When you have a child like Megan, different things seem important now and it's ahrd to get jazzed about stuff that really doesn't seem all that important anymore.; October 26, 2007 at 8:07 AM
jennifergg said...: I guess I had it early on, because my youngest are twins. I remember being sooo sad after the weigh-in when I learned Bennett was 1 pound heavier than Avery (Avery had always been the bigger baby) and I know it sounds silly now, but that 1 pound difference really hurt, then.

So I thought, This is it. Avery really IS on a different path.

And it's been that way ever since; I just stopped comparing them to each other, and to anyone else. I compare each child to himself, and what I think his potential is.

And now, I do that for myself, too. I don't compare us to other families, or me to other moms. It's been really terrific, actually, to live this way.

So as far as losing will power, well I guess, yes. But more, it's willpower in another direction. I care about different things; I care more about what (I think) maybe I should have been caring about all along...

Hope this helps. I hope you have a wonderful day, and 4 years old is really a terrific age, with or without DS!; October 26, 2007 at 12:10 PM
Alyssa said...: It's always around Macy's birthdate that I find myself in a funk about the DS and a little depressed. I think her 3rd b-day will be the hardest because I now see how easy it is for her brother and that is new to me. I'm really really worried/scared/sad that he may walk before her. :(; November 4, 2007 at 7:07 PM